Five Minute Friday - Middle
I'm in the middle of a mess in my mind. My thoughts are being diced into fine herbs lost in a saute of worry. While I grab for these thoughts, like an angry dog trying to stop the water coming out the hose. I look around, longing to see my friends' hope and understanding in these days ahead, but I fear they have lost their way back to me. I walk from room to room, pacing, waiting for my mind to heal to feel something else besides numbness.
I settle in the middle of my bedroom floor while the sun rays warm me before the rain comes. I stare out the window to watch the trees dance in the wind of the approaching storm. I could never understand why these moments felt like seconds in comparison to the years of pain I endure.
There must be something wrong with me. Somewhere in the middle of my life, I made a wrong turn. I chose the wrong path. My mind filled with every bad thing in my world. Some….something is wrong me with me. No matter how bright the sun shines on me, the coldness floods in.
Chills begin to form, and my body shakes from head to toe. The middle of me is full of darkness, waiting to escape into the world. The black haze whispers things out of me to where the darkness lies. But the pain will not leave me because, at my core, I am darkness. I am the night. I am death.
In this blog I have taken 5 minutes with the prompt word and above is my free write.
Monday's Mug 023
Hello, Writers of the World.
Welcome back to Monday’s Mug! I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch you up on what has been happening since we last talked. Tonight I am drinking hot raspberry tea. I have enjoyed the cold chill in the air lately. Things have been pretty peaceful this last week, but I will share about my quiet week.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I had been experimenting with soups lately. I love soup and made taco soup for the first time ever. I can’t handle many spicy foods, so it was the perfect opportunity to make it to my family’s taste. A wonderful mom that became a friend over soccer practices this year shared the recipe with me. While on this subject of food, I made pumpkin bread and cupcakes this last weekend for our treats. I watch The Great British Baking Show and enjoy baking as well as learning about it.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you my Artist Way progress. Morning pages are becoming more of a priority for my life. While I have been handwriting them for the last two months, I will be typing them in November. I have been pushing to make my writing more of a priority. Writing is essential to me than I realized, and being a writer is far more important to me as well. Through my morning pages, I have worked through some religious beliefs and political frustrations. These pages allow me to vent and get everything off my mind to start my days fresh. Due to our recent time change, I am waking up earlier to do writing in the morning. I never thought this would be possible for me because usually, I am a late-night writer. While my creativity does still peak in the evening, I find the morning time great to relax and get my writing groove on.
Would you like to refill your mug?
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I have been thinking a lot more about my writing, in general, this week. I was able to be part of a sprint this last week. It was only 30 minutes of writing, but I can accomplish my goals last week by getting that 30 minutes in. I have also decided to do NaNoWriMo this year. While this has been a more challenging year for my writing, I finally feel like I understand what I am doing. I think I am seeking out the creative life I have been looking for and encouraging friends to thank for it. This is a way a writing community can change your life. This is how your life changes because you let people in and allow them to speak life into your problems.
Just keep writing.
Monday's Mug 022
Hello, Writers of the World.
Welcome back to Monday’s Mug! I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch you up on what has been happening since we last talked. Tonight I am loading up on my pumpkin spice coffee. Yes, I am a lover of fall and almost all things pumpkin. The weather here has been all over the place. It is hot, and it is cold. The only thing consistent is the lack of rain. The family is picking up black walnuts and hoping to get them turned in by this weekend.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I had to take an extended break again. It has always been difficult for my mental health when I take time away from writing. I picked up a couple of websites and social media accounts I am running. These have been an excellent experience for me outside of my comfort zone. These different accounts also took away some of my writing time until I got the hang of posting regularly on the sites. The busy times for these businesses are winding down, so I am also excited about the slow season.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, I started doing The Artist Way. For those who do not know what it is, you know how exciting it can be to complete this book. For those of you who may not know what this book is all, it helps you heal yourself as a creative. There are ways the author gives you to work through creative blocking emotions. It took me a lot of time to finally do The Artist Way. I read many blogs about morning pages because when anyone talked about the Artist Way, they mentioned them. Morning pages seemed to be the only thing people focused on. This book is deep and makes you do some serious reflection. My process, though, hasn’t always been easy, but I‘m excited about writing again. I am doing the morning pages as well. These pages have helped me implement the work personal work I needed to do. Morning pages become like a friend and are a great place to experiment with your creativity as well.
Would you like to refill your mug?
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I have been thinking a lot more this week about my novel. I have decided after this partial book has been sitting for almost two years, I am ready to start writing on it again. I am starting work in November. Currently, I am reading through my draft. Soon I will create a reverse outline thanks to the help of a friend’s advice. I have been going over different novel structures and finding a plan I would like to follow. I don’t like the idea of a super structured outline; however, this will help me stay focused.
Just Write Today.
Your Weakness is Your Strength
I remember looking down at my spelling test, not seeing 100% but 80%. The tears began to bubble up inside me and come out in front of my classmates. Eye rolls and cry baby chanting began, and in these moments, I was labeled as too emotional. At first, I saw this as a plague because it was linked to the high exceptions I had for myself. In general, I expected to “be the best” and “change the world.” This was not a simple feat for my 7-year-old self.
As I fast forward my life to my middle school and high school years, I still found my emotions challenging to control. When I had disappointed myself or not been the best in a classroom for my role model teachers, the tears came. If I got low grades, I mean anything less than a B because I had a least lowered my standards to a B, I would cry. There was no one there willing to help me with the amount of anxiety I felt. I was always told I was making something out of nothing and calming the hell down.
Throughout those teenage years was when I really began writing without the influence of anyone else. I wrote little stories and poems to get me through my hard days when I knew no one would understand. I knew that if I told anyone what I felt, I would cry and be embarrassed. Friends would tell again to calm down and chill out and still offered no help or solutions. I poured myself on the page because the page didn’t tell me I was too emotional or too sensitive.
During this time was when I trained myself to be the sounding board for others. I would ask people all kinds of questions until I knew them better than anyone else with offering up any of myself. These talks kept me focused on others instead of my terrible days. I never vented or spoke of my terrors. The focus on others buried these events deep. They no longer existed when my energy was going to help someone else.
It wasn’t until after I was out of college that I had seen the benefits of being too sensitive, even just a few years ago. Granted, most of my relationships start with I’m a crier. I cry when I’m happy, sad, tired, and angry mostly. If you can’t handle crying, please move on because it will happen, and you cannot fix me. This is who I really am. Hence, I am still single, but I understand using this gift of emotion to help me as a writer.
When I have gotten critics back about my work, perhaps they ask for more details in my setting. There might be a little something about brushing up my dialogue. However, readers always have felt whatever emotions I invoked in them. Emotions make readers care about the characters and draw them in on their journey throughout the story.
There are so many things that people will call out a weakness in you. There is so much within you that you can use for good and your benefit in life, and stop letting others stop you in your path. Today I may have cried with every show I watched, but it was because I felt connected with these characters at my very being. If I am crying while I read your writing, consider it a compliment.
Monday's Mug 021
Hello, Writers of the World.
I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch you up on what has been happening since we last talked. The weather last week was still hot, but it is still summer here, and I should expect nothing less. Why do I talk about the weather because I am a farmer? If you didn’t know, it always makes it important? Things are dry here, and we are hoping for a little rain. We want to get more hay put up before fall hits, but we don’t control the weather, so we wait and see type of game.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I am trying to savor this last week before school starts. I have not missed the buzz of the school season. However, I do love to shop the stationery. There is always homework to be done, papers I am trying to remember to send back, and things I am trying to remind my child of. Even though it has been hot this summer, we have been spending time outside, at least an hour, if not longer, hanging out in the swing or the hammock. I feel like it is important to be in the moment when I can.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, and I have been closing myself off this week. My social media project is in full swing, and I am finding it is taking a lot more energy than I had originally thought. I am trying to get into a routine of posting on socials. When there are so many things going on in life, socials are some of the things I let slip.
Would you like to refill your mug? I need more water today.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you ideas around mindset have come up again this week. Podcasts and Youtube videos are continuing to cross my path about this. I have been things in particular about the ideas of productivity versus rest, especially this last week. Although I have been taking the time to spend with my child during the week, I don’t allow myself time off on the weekends. Not only are the weekends when I run a lot of errands weekends are typically when I am working on side projects as well. I am doing housework and planning for the following week. I tried an experiment where I did absolutely nothing on Sunday except fed us. It was great and something I felt my body and mind needed, but I was kicking myself Monday because I had so many things to catch up on. Perhaps next time I will no more Saturday.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, I haven’t been anywhere, and it is driving me crazy this week. Of course, I do not travel like I used to, but I miss it so much. I love living in the country and have learned to sustain myself for weeks on end without leaving. I miss people said the introvert shockingly lol. I miss being around the good friends I have in my life and going to the museum. Okay, I said it finally. Now back to business as usual.
Until next time just write.
Monday's Mug 020
Hello, Writers of the World.
Welcome back to Monday’s Mug! I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch you up on what has been happening since we last talked. Tonight I am drinking mint tea with honey. I love the refreshing smell of mint. The family spent a lot of time outside this last weekend, getting the farms slicked up again and mowing the yard. I pulled weeds out of a flowerbed, and I’m trying to get it ready for planting. This evening was mild. We spent time outside again tonight playing with our cats and dogs. I has been a good week, and I am still hoping for a little cooler weather. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I don’t remember a lot about last week. In fact, there were a lot of things I forgot about last week. I forgot errands, events, and what other people were doing that would affect my day. I’m a severe planner and write everything down. There were some minor things I couldn’t recall. I think a lot of it has to do with journaling. I haven’t been journaling as much, and it helps me empty my head daily. Do you enjoy journaling?
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, and I am continuing to build relationships with other writers. Not because I am expecting anything from them but because it is nice to have some writers in my life. It has been fun getting to know them better, some for longer than others. I find myself opening up more to the writing community, much like a kitten coming out from under a hiding place, wondering how safe it is. I am finally a few more steps out now that I have started to interact.
Would you like to refill your mug?
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I have been thinking a lot more this week. I’ve been listening to different podcasts this week. I have been jumping around a lot. I used to listen to podcasts the way I watch a Netflix series. I had the impulse to listen to the podcasts in order. I quickly gave up on the order mindset and even more recently decided to look at it like reading. I have started dozens of books but never finished because I didn’t want to go any further. I feel this way about listening to podcasts now. I will only keep listening if I am really interested, not because I think I need to finish it.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, and I am trying to celebrate my life more. I have been influenced a lot by the StoryADay podcasts because their theme this month is a triumph. I haven’t been good about celebrating in any way my life aside from a couple of birthdays. This stems from my high expectations concerning my work and how it changes the world. However, slowly I am still trying to celebrate my writing. I am celebrating my downtime too. I say yes to many things and, at times, more than I should be, so I’m celebrating when I complete tasks as well lately. I have to say it has been helping me get out of my COVID funk. I am excited to see what celebrating my life long term will mean for my joy. What are you celebrating?
Until next time just write.
30 Days of Not Writing
After writing for a while, have you stopped?
I feel like when a writer stops writing, they are trying to drive themselves mad. There have been many times I took breaks in writing.
Day 1- You didn’t write—no big deal.
Day 2 - You are tired and will go to sleep instead, so you are rested for tomorrow’s writing session.
Day 3 - Oh, that show you wanted to watch is on during your writing time. It has a character that would maybe help you develop yours.
Day 4 - Soccer practice in 100-degree heat.
Day 5 - Reading a friend’s blog. They are so good.
Day 6 - Late night trip to store for ice cream.
Day 7 - You are so irritated by everything today. No way you are writing. You are too mad at nothing.
Day 8 - Facebook.
Day 9 - Walking the dog and getting out in nature. What a beautiful day to write about tomorrow.
Day 10 -The book you have been waiting for comes in, and you start reading it because it is like the book you have been trying to write.
Day 11 - You must sleep because you feel like crap after staying up all night to read.
Day 12 - Family fight about you being too irritable.
Day 13 - Stare out the window, and your mind just wonders.
Day 14 - Clean the entire house from top to bottom.
Day 15 - Youtube Worm Whole
Day 16 -Totalling up student loan debt.
Day 17 -Trying to figure out how to make money doing the thing you love.
Day 18 - Twitter
Day 19 - Planning out your life for the next six months.
Day 20 - Movie Night
Day 21 - Realizing there is still a deadly virus out there and you rewrite all your goals.
Day 22 - Wondering why everyone is producing books and blogs, but you still don’t.
Day 23 - Instagram
Day 24 - Thinking about a book about the end of the world, it is no longer fun because of current world reality.
Day 25 - Netflix binge-watching shows you have already seen.
Day 26 - Wondering when the next Marvel movie will be out.
Day 27 - Start playing a new game to relax.
Day 28 - Become obsessed with the game.
Day 29 - Beyond occupied by game.
Day 30 - Okay, this has to stop, and you need to write tomorrow!
Okay, that was fun, just keep writing.
Monday's Mug 019
Hello, Writers of the World.
Welcome back to Monday's Mug! I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch you up on what has been happening since we last talked. Tonight I am drinking water because it has been sweltering and humid here these last few days. All my fall feels are being pushed to the back burner, and summer has decided to show she means business. August usually is the hottest month we have, and sometimes I seriously consider moving further north. Do you enjoy the weather where you live?
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you last week was especially busy I had four meetings this last week. I haven't had that many in a couple of months now, but they were all exceptional. The first one was with StoryADay SuperStars. We usually have an online get together once a month, and this time I actually got to attend. It was excellent to interact with some writers I haven't before. I appreciate listening to where everyone is and what their interests are. Towards the end, I really started to open up more about things going on in my life and who I am. As quiet as most people think I am when I feel comfortable enough, I won't stop talking. Is there something about you people assume but are wrong about?
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you, I was a part of a write-in a friend hosted. This event was online at night, and it totally up my alley. We had a little prompt, and I created a short children's story—afterward, we did some writing sprints and had breaks to talk to each other. There were writers I had never met before. Still, it was fabulous to meet new people and expand my writing community. It made me feel great to see my friend stepping out for me and helping me by writing in at night to help me get back in the groove of writing. When it comes to writing, there were a lot of things I have been struggling with. Being able to find a write-in at night has been one of the items at the top of my list. Is there something you have been struggling with a lot this year.
Would you like to refill your mug? I know I need to.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you I had a meeting about social media. I have been educating myself about social media for a while now. I enjoy helping others navigate the platforms and to share the knowledge I have learned. There was a day trip to the lake yesterday, but I didn't go swimming or go out on the water. Actually, I make myself ill driving to the lake house. It was a great day of sharing and building relationships with a team I am a part of for a single mom's group I help out with.
While we sip from our mugs, I would share with you the thrill I have had for writing has started to grow again. There are days now I can focus on writing, and I am picking up more story sparks. I am trying to work on my consistency and keep promises to myself about what I am ready to accomplish. There has been a lot of mindset changes underway, and there are so many times now throughout the day, I am excited about writing a new story. I am so thrilled about this because my mind has been under construction for me a lot this year. Is it easy for you to keep your promises to yourself?
Let me know how you are doing in the comments below.
Until next time just write.
Monday's Mug 018
Hello Everyone! Welcome back to Monday’s Mug! I always love to be drinking from my mugs daily, but Monday is the day I like to catch up on what has been happening since we last talked. Tonight I am drinking an herbal mint tea and loving it. So, tonight we would definitely be outside enjoying this mug because it is colder weather here and I love it!! Have I ever told you Fall is my most favorite season of the year? What is your favorite season?
While we sip from our mugs, I’d tell you it been a long time since I checked in with everyone. July was a busy month with family medical issues. It was stressful waiting for answers only to have more tests to be run and more waiting. Even now, a month later, we still have no answers about what is going on. I know I am a little cryptic here, but I need to work on my patience is the moral of the story.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you have been doing a lot of reflection these last couple of weeks. I have been talking personality test, which I love and reflecting on myself as the person I have become now. I was marked as an INFJ, which I have been for years that really didn’t surprise me. I took an enneagram test and found out I was just as much a 1 as I am a 4. These all made sense about who I am as a person. I am a perfectionist striving to be creative. I have not quite figured out that path. It isn’t like I base my life on what these tests say; it helps to understand who I am more. Do you ever take tests like these?
While we sip from our mugs, I’d tell you I haven’t been writing much. Not writing is driving me crazy. I have been redoing websites, and while it has been a creative outlet for me, it is not the same as writing. I love creating a website to be visually pleasing. Write though has been my lifeblood for so long that it has been strange without. It’s like I am walking around without the watch I wear daily or whatever you have daily, and you forget it at home. I was on a kick at the start of July writing. I had gotten back on my favorite site 4thewords.com and was busting through the ceiling of what I was trying to do just get the words out.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you haven’t got to be part of writing groups much lately. I have had internet problems a lot this last month, so tonight was the first night I had gotten to see by StoryADay people in like two months. It was great to see people’s faces and to get to know them better. I think I talked a couple of people’s ear off towards the end of the call. I miss talking to people, but my favorite way is one on one.
While we sip from our mugs, I would tell you right now I don’t know where my writing is heading. I still want to be published, but I haven’t been making any process towards that. It is like saying I will run a 5 k, and I only walk 10 minutes a day. Again I think I am too hard on myself because I have to process many life events, and then I wonder if I am too easy on myself. Perhaps soon, I will find a balance and overcome my struggle.
Until next time just write.
Poetry Camp for NaNoWriMo
Hello April! I hope everyone is as safe as they can be. I am here to talk a little bit about Camp NaNoWriMo this year. This year is the first camp with the new NaNo website makeover. It was difficult for me last year in November to get the hang of what we were doing and how it all worked. I have since played around more with the site, and I am enjoying my camping experience.
The best update I see so far on the NaNo website is that the cabins we had during camp have been turned into permeant writing groups. It certainly doesn’t mean you cannot leave the group you are in if you don’t like it. However, it does mean you have instant access to the buddies you have been writing with twice a year in November too.
There were some other updates to the projects and goals I have not been as excited about. In the past, I used the hourly timed options as my goal when it comes to my writing. It was a way to build up my writing time during April and July. There are only options for the number of words now. However, you can make your project a little more specific now with drafting, editing, and publishing options as well as the type of writing you are working novel, short story, poetry, nonfiction, and more.
While I miss the hourly goals, they have made two websites now one, and they more useable all year round. Just being able to talk to your writing group year-round is an exciting thought. If you wanted to track projects with word counts and dates, it is also a valuable tool for free. I think this was a brilliant move on their part to make Camp and Nano more uniform and user friendly.
I have decided to join a couple of different writing groups this year. I am with my regular group this year. I have been a part of my regular cabin for two years now and a new writing group to expand my writing community. I have been getting to know new writers and chatting with my regular group since mid-March. I recommend trying out different groups if you have never attempted camp before, and it is such a great way to find new people to interact with in the world.
This year for the camp, I am writing poetry. Poetry was how I started writing. I didn’t write short stories or a novel as a child. It was poetry that came out of me. I couldn’t figure out how to express the emotions running deep in me, so the way they came out was in the written word. For me, it was oral before it was written while I bottle-fed baby calves in the barn. Poetry was dancing in my head and then out of my mouth like a song I always knew but had never heard. I have missed poetry; she was always my first love. It was the thing that understood me before I understood myself.
Poetry has been something that has trying to get out of me for years now after I tried to silence it. Poetry has been all along bubbling under the surface. I decided to let out this lion inside me out for a solid month to see what I could produce. I am not sure what will happen, but I hope it will help me process my life as my writing often does. I hope to see you in the CampNaNo world and if not…Just write.
Monday's Mug 015
Hello, writers and friends welcome back to my Monday’s Mug. There are so many things in the last week that have been crazy, disappointing, and just strange. Staying home in some ways is lovely, but I miss seeing people. I am back to drinking tea again. I found this excellent spice shop about an hour from me. I believe it has closed now, but before it was, I was getting a fabulous green tea that was called Moroccan Mint. I am not an avid green tea drinker, but I love mint-flavored tea. I had drunk it almost daily, but my supplies are getting low, and with the virus, I am not sure how to get more right now.
How has your week been?
Are you going to a workplace or working from home?
Have you lost your job entirely because of this mess?
I am sorry for any of the situations above. It is not easy, and each one comes with its problems. I was lucky enough to get to work from home for this last week. It was a wonderful week, and I am genuinely grateful. I struggle with not being able to see people and leave my house. I live in an isolated area anyway, and I can’t even see my neighbors go outside, but I still long for human interaction. I want hugs.
This week I have picked up my pen more steadily to write out what is happening in my head, the fears I am having, and the disappointment. There was a surprise I had set up for my child’s birthday this next month, and the concert was postponed. I hadn’t told her yet, and I am glad I didn’t, but not being able to surprise her with something I know she wanted to do hurts. I had signed her up for sports this Spring as well, but they were postponed as well. I know in light of those who no longer have an income, these are silly things to be upset by, and I understand that.
When I haven’t been writing, I have been watching some Marvel movies to take my mind out of the current events. I turn them on late at night when I can’t turn off my mind. It has been hard for me to relax at home now that I work at home. I got outside as much as I can, and I would encourage you to do the same. It has helped keep me stay calmer as I continue this new journey.
I am going to sign off, for now, don’t forget just to write.
Monday's Mug 014
Welcome back to Monday’s Mug. There have been a lot of changes in the world since we last talked. I am snuggled up with a cup of tea tonight, and it is chilly outside. I hope you will join me and I will get you some tea as well. Would you like honey or milk?
January was such a productive month for me. I completed a contest and was writing nearly every single day. I wasn’t always writing creative fiction, but I was getting morning pages done. By the time I came into February, I felt like I was no longer making progress in my writing through the use of morning pages. My book had been lying dormant for a while now, and I wanted to start editing it finally. However, even though I was given many suggestions from my writing community, I still felt like I needed downtime.
In February every year, I help with a non-profit to put on a banquet for single mothers on Valentine’s Day. It was a busy month with family events going on as well. I found there were a lot of moments I was thinking about writing, but then nothing was ever done about it. There was a spiritual blog I used to run, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to start committing to another blog at this point. I had many discussions with my trusted advisors about it.
I was excited about March it has always been a month I have to enjoy because I love flowers. Yes, I love them. I don’t plant as many flowers as I used to, but they are something that brightens my day. I love Spring. It is my second favorite season.
The writing, in March, was something else I was looking forward to. I was going to start writing on a new platform and publish daily. However, here I am a couple of weeks now into March, and I have been dealing with a lot of emotional family things. People are moving in and out of my life. My parents’ health hasn’t been greatest lately. In many ways, I have felt good, but dealing with these events has been difficult.
Then my world was suddenly turned upside down in a matter of days here. I am sure many of you can say the same. I left work on Wednesday, and by the time I returned, the places in our community started shutting down. Schools and events were canceled. It was shocking, and to be honest, it filled me with anxiety, which I finally had felt like I was getting a handle on this year.
I have realized that my writing helped deal with the start of the year, and I was able to vent to a blank page when I couldn’t get out of my head. Do you feel like that too? Kind of stuck in your head at times?
Let’s get some more tea, and enjoy the slowness of things now.
I have to say many good things are happening with this stay at home order. The pollution is down, and people are connecting. In my world, the company I work for allows us to work from home during this time. My house is cleaner than it has been in a while. I have lunch with my child every day. I have all my furry sidekicks by my side all day long. I am saving money on gas, and of course, I am not eating out. I am trying not to freak out, but there are moments in the day where I let the cabin fever get the better of me. I need to get back to the new normal.
My goals for this week are to breathe and just write.
Hang in there, writers.
Writing What I Felt
I needed to write, but I was experiencing blah. Was that an emotion? It was my form of exhaustion in every way, shape, and form. I am not proud of it, but I have found a lot of my days lately have overflowed with stress. I sat in the morning pondering if I was going to write anything because I have been in a funk. I didn’t feel like writing at all, and I was not sure about the extensive project I promised myself I would finish.
So, what did I do when I didn’t feel like writing? What every good writer does surf the net. I realized email was an excellent place to start my procrastination. I was sent an email for Camp NaNoWriMo, and it was very inspiring for my moment in time. Write what you feel email by Kat Yeh said: “Some people say write what you know—I say write what you feel.”
Through my academic circles, I had studied plenty about writing what I knew, however writing what I felt has been felt out. I had not heard someone approach writing what you feel this way before. When I have been looking up ideas about character emotions, I have come across a lot of writers and artist taking a sharp memory and writing from the feelings you had at that moment — this type of writing I can do with ease. There are days, weeks, and sometimes months when I have struggled with writing. When the thought of a book came up, it felt more like a chore than something I wanted to do. The writing honeymoon was over, and it only took three years.
I am not ready to divorce writing or my muse. However, I needed to know how to work on my relationship when I didn’t feel like being in it. I heard from people give up writing and do something else with your life. What people have not witnessed was how great writing had been the one thing that had carried me through the darkness, and joy I felt in creation. I was at least staring at my screen, I got my butt in the chair, and I continued to watch the blinking curser. How in the world could I write what I feel when I didn’t even feel like writing?
In these moments of blah was when mind dumping and free writing were my lifesavers (suddenly have a candy craving). The email I had read said to take a few minutes to just writing whatever it was you were feeling. Sometimes I need to vent, and there was no one else to listen. So, I vent to the computer screen. With the beautiful world of dictation, I can yell at my device, and it will record every word I say. However, just like humans, it has continuously got some of it wrong.
I decided to do a little therapeutic writing, getting all of these emotions and thoughts onto a page for about 5 minutes. This was when a light bulb turned on for me. I have heard many times from many people, even in my academic writing circles to write what you know but what I knew at that moment was what I felt.
Then from the instruction of the email, I began to write a character in a funk about life and feeling in some way, it will never get better than this. This woman couldn’t see the future for all the things going on in her life right then. They couldn’t see the joy of the light or the relief of the rain. They stared off into the darkness, and it consumed this character like a moth to a flame. And just like that, the main character for my next book was born.
The moral of this story is to just write.