2021 Word of the Year

Have you made any goals this year? They can be a pain in the butt. I know that I have often had to wait until after the start of the new year to even figure out any type of goals. I usually am still hanging around in the previous year's lingering feelings and take a fair amount of self-loathing to the page. I do this because I am really critical of myself and because it just feels like my normal after not accomplishing my goals from last year. 

However, in 2020 I was disappointed that of my plans, December had been flushed down the pandemic toilet. I decided to look to the future for some inspiration. So before I reached halfway through December, I thought how I don't want to feel like this again next year, and I was throwing around my word of the year. I have picked a word of the year for a few years now, something to keep me focused. 

Throughout 2020 I had accomplished a lot of self-processing because months and months of alone time will do that to a person. I realized there were a lot of ideas about myself that I didn't create but believed anyway. I had a lot of hang-ups when it came to writing. (I know everyone does.) This was different. The lies in my head were so bad it was blocking every bit of creativity I was suffocating myself when it came to writing. 

Then a dear friend asked me to The Artist's Way again because the first time, I didn't complete it, and while it has taken me longer than the typical 12 weeks, it has been worth it. Chapters of the book changed my mind about writing about how I saw it. After creativity trama in college, it was about damn time. I had a billion stories inside of me that I had been holding back because of the hurtful things I had to endure when I was just starting out. In some ways, I wish this book would have crossed my path 15 years ago. 

However, this is all leading back to my word of the year. It wasn't some quiz I took online, but I was really thinking about what 2020 had been for me. It was a time when I was coming back to myself and finally reading all the stories I had been telling myself. So I thought about balance for this next year, but I have always been a clumsy person. Freedom seemed great, but I felt like I was already free. I realized how many other voices in my head I allowed to get a say, which is why I turned to the word centered. 

2021 is about listening to myself again and seeking out spirituality in ways I haven't allowed myself to explore in the past. It is for me about writing about who I really am and who I want to become after peeling back the layers of lies that well-intentioned people told me. Can I tell you if you go down the road of picking a word, a quote, or phrase for the year, it will be challenged?

I literally was challenged for the first 14 days of January. When I hit day 15, I woke up from my fog, and I got to look at how completely uncentered I was. My life had revolved around an individual who then ghosted me. It was in shock, and I saw my total lack of healthy boundaries. So, lesson one of 2021 was to figure out what boundaries even are and stick to them. 

I'm excited to see where centered takes me after this month. Whatever you have decided to do for the new year, I hope it makes you happy. If for any reason, you think you have missed the boat in goals or a word of the year, you haven't. The best part about life is you get to make up rules about these things to be what you like. Pick a new word for the year if you find the last 28 days haven't felt quite like your word; change the world every six months, every quarter, or month if you like. It's your life. Pick a path and start living it.  

2020 Word of the Year

Have you chosen a word of the year yet? It is okay if you haven't last year I didn't get my word until around the 14th. This year I didn't know what my word was until this week. It changed a lot of the course of the last few days. It was hard to figure out because I have the expectations of what seems okay compared to what I really want to do. I had written a list of my goals for last year, and they are similar to what I wanted to accomplish last year. I did lose about three months to 2019 because of family illness. I wasn't able to launch my own blog until April and really struggled with the separation of my original blog into two different types of blogs. I was happy about the vision I had for the two separate blogs. These blogs seemed to be different sides of me. The new blog will come back in the Spring but no date at this point. It is very different; it taps more into my faith and into my passion for studying various aspects of religion. 

I was trying to figure out what I had really happened last year. There were habits I was glad I had focused on like I read 20 books and was consistent for 70 days on my German lessons. However, there were other vital goals I was not accomplishing. I wanted to post on my new blog three times a week. I wanted to write at least one story a week without fail. However, I found 2019 another hard year for me figuring out how to cope with life changes. I was dealing with panic attacks and a level of anxiety I had never experienced in my life before. Sure I have been a worrier about this, but this year I was really isolated from people, and there were a lot of connections with friends that fell apart. I didn't have people to lean on this year, and when I did, I felt like I shouldn't be talking about things in my life because they were not significant or tragic. There are times, though, when all the little things start to pile up and feel like a lot. I didn't know how to handle it, but I know I lot of it was rooted in my lack of trust and my fear. 

Some fears are rational, but this last year had too many irrational fears. One of my worries was refusing to trust people with my vulnerability. I am doubting my ability to recover another big emotional blow. I haven't left the 60-mile radius from my home because my car is older and needs work. I have not been writing, which is the thing I have loved for many years because I was afraid I wasn't good enough, and what is worse is what happened if I was good enough but holding myself back. I have been lost inside my head for weeks or months with all of these worries. For the last few months, I have been working on breaking free. 

This year I chose the word dauntless. It came to me the other day. At first, I couldn't figure out why it was so important, except I realized all of the things from this last year of my life were not completed because I was full of fear. The idea is I know I will never be rid of fear I have, but I can move instead of allowing fear to keep me frozen in time. Dauntless came to be first through Veronica Roth and her Divergent series. I envied those in the Dauntless sect because they did seem so free. I was a time in my life when I allowed my mind to be open again to pursuing my dream of writing. I had to break through those fears, and yet I will use this word to break through my fears. I will rekindle old friendships and make new ones. I will participate in writing contest this year, and send stories out for publication. 

Whatever your word, goal, or habit, maybe this year, when you mess up to give yourself the grace to forgive yourself and start over again.